(Ugh) The Cost for Eternity.

These past few days have been a roller-coaster of sorts. This past weekend I went up to visit Michael at Princeton. Lately, we've been having this discussion of where to live once where married. My heart calls me to Philadelphia but sometimes you have to factor in much more than just your heart. Eventually I want to live in Philly, but for the time being it just seems that the best place to be for both of us is Princeton. It's the cheapest (by far), easiest, and probably one of the nicest places to begin a life together. Before my visit I was skeptical of the area. I thought it would be like Wayne in which the natives complain about everything you do and constantly try to take away any rights and privileges that you may have. Basically, unless you own a 1.5 million dollar house, you really don't have a say. But it was different. People said hello as you walked down the street. They looked you in the eye and acknowledged you. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! I feel more comfortable about moving to Princeton, but it doesn't mean I want to stay there forever. My mind might change but for now I'm happy to plan with that in mind. However, that seems to be the only thing I can plan on for now. Michael and I are still debating on the reception location. We have this dream that instead of a wedding day, we would have a wedding weekend. We have booked a place near my hometown that has everything we need to have a 3-day celebration. The only downside is that it costs more than we think we can afford. With the cost of the cabins, dinning hall, and use of faculties, it comes to about $3,650. If we can get 72 guests to stay in the cabins and charge them a minimum of $50 we would almost break even, excluding the cost of food for three day. In my mind it is doable. To Michael, the realistic one, it's a coin toss. And that is where we stand at the moment. Rent the place and have a dream wedding that both of our communities can get to know one another, or save money and find another place and another dream to fulfill. It's hard knowing that money has this much of a factor in a relationship. It's hard knowing that this is causing hurt feelings and a tension between the two of us. I hurt Michael's feelings last night by being frustrated and, frankly, stupid and selfish. I dismissed his concerns and blamed him for something that was never his fault to begin with. Relationships are hard if you make them hard. I wasn't willing to listen to Michael and ended up hurting him, which in turn ended up hurting us. Sometimes I need to remind myself that none of the small stuff matters. I want to marry Michael, period, hands down, now and forever, till death do we part. This post is my public apology for the greatest man I know, my love and my life.