Bri and I got in a fight last night, well, more of a heated and lengthy discussion punctuated by emotion. The place we want to have the wedding is going to cost 3700 which includes the place for the reception (but no tables or chairs) and a bunch of very simple cabins. Which could actually be perfect. We figure people will need to have a place to stay anyway so why not, instead of renting a hotel room for 150 a night, just stay in the cabins. It would make the whole occasion not about companies selling us an experience which comes packaged and sold for a profit but instead an experience which is created by the community that we love through relationships and their own creativity. There would be eating together, setting up together, making part of the wedding and lots of games and laughing.
Really it is a way that we can go against some of the bull shit that weddings have become and we are having a hard time breaking from.
The problem is that if people don't want to come early and stay in shared, very simple, cabins together then we can't pay for the it. It's a risk, a big risk. With 8000 as our budget it comes out to 3700(venue) + 500 (tables & chairs) + 1700 (photographer) 4000 (food) = 10900. That of course does not include dress, rings, decorations, gifts, parting gifts and so much more. The way I see it, if we don't get most of those cabin spaces paid for (since we are paying for them anyway) we are going to begin our lives in a lot of debt. Not to mention no honeymoon.
The problem is is that when I keep saying, "we can't afford that" and "no, its too much" often times Bri does not hear, "I am trying to protect our future because I love you and want to protect your future hopes and options" she hears, "no, and I'm not going to work with you to make this happen i'm just going to put these things in your way."
It is the hardest thing in the world when you can't give the person you love something that you know is really good in every way because you don't have enough money. At the same time knowing that they don't see it the same way. Its maddening and it had me tears last night.
How do I do it? How do I protect our future and at the same time make it so that at the end of all this Bri does not feel like she had to sacrifice so so much to be with me? These thoughts fill my mind with visions of a future where those sacrifices build in her mind till she starts to resent me. Slowly that resentment eats away at our marriage will be come to have a deep seething hatred of each other that manifests itself in a constant and undeniable annoyance at everything the other one does. This gnaws and gnaws at her till one day, when I ask her to pass the ketchup she passes the knife...over and over again...deep into my eye holes.
It happens...
Clearly there is a lot at stake here...
(fear)
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